you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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