Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
