i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
