Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
