WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
