i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
