Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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