Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
