You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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