Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
