there's paper in my vomit.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
