I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
