There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
