Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Dicks are not precious.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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