i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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