Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
