I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
