Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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