I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
