I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Randomize
