She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
zippers are such a cool invention
I cut my penus on the lid.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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