I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
