WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
