2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
