I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
