you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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