I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Randomize
