My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
