Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
