I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
