you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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