just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
