Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
