Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
