drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
