Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
