the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
