My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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