i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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