I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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