No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
