I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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