I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
