Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
