he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
