so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
