He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
