She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
