Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
