allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
